Response to Mistress Anna - Re: Long term chastity?

Mistress Anna over at Welcome to Anna's Place asked this question on my last blog post:

"I saw pics of this guy on Fetlife about a month ago. Hes been in Chastity for 17 years. How would you feel about that?"

To answer your question (and this is a long answer), before us trying this chastity experiment out, the thought of long term chastity had not entered my mind. I hadn't thought very consciously about duration at all. I just had thoughts that would pop into my head about how frustrated and out of my mind I would be after a week, or two weeks, or (GASP!) three weeks without an orgasm. I guess anything longer than that seemed unthinkable to me? I really have no other concrete reason as to why I thought that way.

As of today I've been in chastity for about three and a half weeks - two and a half since handing over custody of the keys and any control I had over getting off. And that is HARD! (pun intended!) Miss has let me out twice (last weekend, and the weekend before).

Just prior to starting with chastity I had become more sexual, or I guess more horny. I was masturbating probably three or four times during the week. For background, we are only together on weekends due to my kid situation. Monday to Friday we are apart, and I'd get off in the morning before my shower. So I think Miss is very happy to keep me from masturbating... Very happy :-)

Physically I'm thinking the device is working out really well, much better than I ever expected. So as of today, from a practical perspective, it seems like I could possibly wear it nearly 24/7/365.

I am still trying to get my head around the mental and emotional part. In one way I feel so proud that I have been able to be in chastity for this long because Miss is so absolutely thrilled at the control this gives her. And I had no idea to what degree she was going to like this. I was afraid it would not be of any interest to her, and I really-really wanted her to want to keep me in chastity because her wanting that for herself would be another sign to me that she wants me as hers. It would also be an expression of love from her to me, that she wants me as her, well, play-toy?

OK, that was a bit of rambling stream of consciousness. What has been on my (worrying) mind this last week is what is Miss thinking? Since I'm doing pretty well with the device physically, is she thinking that unless she's using her toy there is no real reason that it needs to be unlocked?

I want to ask her and probably will, but she might get annoyed that I'm asking and punish me for it. In fact last night she put me on notice that if I get all naggy about how sore and frustrated I can get in the cage, or if I have any non-submissive attitude with her that she would not unlock me this weekend at all. That would mean I'd be locked up for two more weeks, making it three weeks since she last unlocked me, and five and a half weeks in chastity total (granted, with 3 releases).

Actually I may have already exhibited "Attitude" with her on the phone last night, and she called me out on it. I hope she doesn't consider that cause to keep me locked and denied as she threatened to :-(

One thing about being locked up is that I am more submissive, and I'm also much more horny! Especially when I have the urethral tube inserted. But Miss has not (yet) tortured me by having me bring her to orgasm while keeping me in the cage and denying me the same. I'm not sure if that idea has caught her fancy yet.

Short answer: A part of me wants to be in chastity 24/7/365, no doubt about it. I never expected to feel that way. Another part of me is struggling with being so horny and not being able to get off.

Reading that back I think I'm thinking like many people probably do. I'll just have to wait to see what Miss wants, and go from there.

I really DO want her to have 100% control of my cock. I've fantasized far beyond that...about there being a futuristic pain device that is surgically inserted into the penis that is controlled by a device implanted into her finger tips. She could control the intensity and it could even (somehow) render me unconscious. We did play with a dog shock collar a few times :-) Yeah, crazy I am!

p.s. If I'm going to be locked up I guess I need to stock up on crotchless panties! Time to shop!!! :-D

I love you so much! How much? Chastity time!

Submissive in need of control?!!! How did I get this way???
I have always fantasized about being under as much physical and mental control as possible, as a submissive to a dominant woman (before I had a vocabulary to describe my feelings even!) Chastity is one of the few ways to prove your devotion that is somewhat obtainable today.

Isn't submission to the one you love a great sign of love and devotion? What could prove that more than "I'll do anything you ask, anything to make you happy", "I'll suffer any pain or punishment you see fit to inflict, and beg for more?"

We often hear people say "I'll die for you!" So why not prove it then?!! But not the dying part. Put your money where you mouth is, or your ass over her knee, and prove your love has no limits :-P Did knights really die for their princesses?

I think submission for me came from reading comics in Playboy/Penthouse with FemDom themes. I remember one where women had a guy strapped down to a medical table and were giving him injections to keep him hard - a Viagra prediction? This was 1973 or so and I was in 1st or 2nd grade. He was to be a sex slave. The magazines were in a pile out in a citrus tree field behind where we lived at the time. Obviously someone "hid" them there, and other boys were with me checking them out. Maybe I though if I was submissive I'd get the girl?

Tried chastity in the past... alone.
Before getting back with Miss, I tried chastity out. I orderd a CB2000, then a CB3000. But my ex had no interest with it, so I did not get any of the emotional experience of having someone else controlling access to my cock, and not knowing when I would be allowed to get off again. So it was not fulfilling at all.

Present day
I finally couldn't ignore the need to explore chastity with Miss. I did a bunch of research of blogs and other things online to see what was available. We looked at different types of devices, and decided on one to try out. The picture below is the finished product. It has a urethral tube that can easily be inserted and removed without unlocking the device.

Fine-tuning the fit
I had spent the 2nd and 3rd weeks of October adjusting the device. It is a cheap Chinese knock-off and I really just thought it would only serve to figure out if this style of device was in the ballpark and if it would be worth investing in a higher quality custom made version of it.

I used some JB Weld to make the "A" ring (the one that goes around both the penis and scrotum) a permanent ring as it was a hinged ring that would pinch my skin otherwise. I also bent the metal to make the distance between that "A" ring and the cage part that encloses the penis head and shaft a bit narrower so my testicles would be less likely to slip out. Those adjustments have worked very well so far.

The week prior to Halloween I wore it from Tuesday October 27th to Saturday afternoon October 31st (Halloween) - 4 days. That was my "dry run" (pun intended) to see if this particular chastity device (after my adjustments) was going to work for long term wear. Was it comfortable enough? And was it secure enough to not come off too easily?

I put it back on Sunday November 1st and gave Miss the keys the next day (Monday the 2nd).
I was locked without access to the keys from Sunday to Saturday evening - just short of a week.

It came off Sunday because I told Miss I was not going to be able to be very lady-like at the monthly Tgirl Nights dance party we go to with it on. I could not cross my legs very well at all in chastity. She agreed and unlocked me, which I stayed unlocked until the next morning (Sunday Nov. 8th).

Again I went just short of a full week in chastity. From Sunday morning (Nov. 8th) to the next Saturday night (November 14th). Miss let me out of the cock cage so she could have her fun - hehehehehe! But she locked me back in a short while after.

Miss is totally ecstatic about me being in chastity. She LOVES having that power and control over me. She's had control of me for over 2 weeks now. I can only imagine what it must feel like to control a man's cock by locking it into a metal cage and knowing he will feel pain with every (attempted) erection, and knowing that he can't get off.

Where is Miss going with this?
When I ask Miss questions about what's on her mind, especially when it comes to her plans for me, 2x especially if it has to do with her dispensing discomfort to me, she often says "You are on a need to know basis!"

I asked her in a fairly subtle manner, what does she envision for my chastity? She was coy, as she doesn't like to put something out there and then have it not come to be, and didn't provide a real response. She is used to being disappointed in life, so I understand that she doesn't like to get her hopes up in case they might get crushed. But I suspect if the cage works out she might want me caged up 24/7/365, except for when she has a need for what's inside.

Recap
I've been in chastity since October 27th, with just three periods unlocked (two "for her pleasure"). First time unlocked was for about 18 hours, second time out was about 12, and the third time out was for about 4 hours. So that's three weeks in chastity as of tomorrow...

Getting our FemDom sissy slave BDSM on! (and more backstory)

OK, time to depart from whatever level of political and cultural correctness I've managed to maintain on this blog and share some of our deep dark steamy kink!

Among the many things we could be classified as, Miss and I are a  FemDom couple. Maybe I should real quick try to share more background for people to get a better picture of what we are like...

As a kid I was very shy, so introverted. When we were in high school and Miss had me in the "Friend Zone" we hung out for hour upon hour and I wanted to make a move but was terrified to do so. I was waiting for some sign from her that she had interest but that didn't happen until around 5 or 6 years after we had first met. So I think that's a big facet of my submissiveness to her.

Not too long ago I posted about how Miss and I got back together after another 15 or so years went by of no contact. In that post I mentioned how I had to come out to her about my cross dressing because I felt I couldn't keep that in the closet, and needed to know if she was ok with it or not. As it turned out she was more than ok with it, and over time I realized that she loves me being a woman - Damn lucky I am!

BDSM, enter stage right!
In the early stages of us getting back together somehow I also brought up another kink, BDSM. She was good with this and we started slowly. At first she would tie me up and there wold be some whipping and spanking. Nothing really extreme. That's as far as it went during the 1st round of our re-uniting. We split up (I went back to my ex and kids).

Cross dressing gets more serious
During the second try at re-uniting things developed a little further. When we had alone time at her place I was dressing up more. And she gave me my first experience with makeup! I still hadn't consciously realized I was transgender. I would dress up and we would go outside and sit on her front patio, have a few drinks, and chill out. It was an upstairs apartment and fairly secluded if we were sitting. I don't remember where this wig came from!

Miss bought me my first dress ever!

Outside on Miss's patio

Sexy time!

Miss is a 'cutter'!
She must have brought the subject up. While I knew one aspect of cutting, from the negative psychological perspective with people doing it to themselves, I had never heard of anything kink-positive about it. When she brought it up I was thinking (to myself) "I can't take that kind of pain!" But I did not want to let her down, so she carved me. She carved the word "SLAVE" across my upper back, and I think it was with a diabetic syringe needle.

Perhaps this happened that same night, and perhaps it was a different carving; it was a number of years ago. It was raining, and late in the evening. I was so out of my mind about going through that pain, for sure endorphin's were running high. I was experiencing a euphoric orgasm of mind blowing ecstasy coming out of the pain of having my back carved.

I was in a primal, instinctive, adrenaline pumped crazy impulsive state of mind. That's the best I can describe it, and I have never experienced anything like that before. I put on a pair of Miss's high heels. I might have had some makeup on. I walked out her front door onto the patio. I looked around, the rain was coming down pretty good. I don't know what was in my head, but I continued walking down the stairs. Only in her black heels, with SLAVE carved on my back, probably some blood was seeping out of it. I walked all the way around her apartment building, into the alley behind, then back upstairs to her apartment. All I can say is I was out of my mind in subspace. I sooo easily could have been seen by a neighbor, or a car turning the corner in the alley, but I don't think I was.

There was another instance where she was really pissed at me. She carved a broken heart on my chest! I was scared about how upset she was. At the same time I was relived that at least she wasn't so upset that she kicked me to the curb. (That happened later, but it's a different story that I will share eventually...)

My back, with Miss's "M" carved on me

Miss - also sadistic Pyro?! And I say that in the absolutely most joyful and flattering way possible!
I think I must have told her how I had fantasied about being burnt with a cigarette. She obliged, I think starting with brushing it lightly against my inner thigh. She escalated from there and pressed the tip against either my balls or cock (or maybe she did both). It hurt like hell!

Miss eventually got to the point where she was using her cigarettes, or incense, to burn a ring around my butt-hole. Those sessions seem to be very very long and intensely painful.

I will need to ask Miss about how she came into awareness about her enjoying inflicting pain so much. I'm really curious!

Recently...
A part of many submissive's nature includes the need to be controlled sexually. I am definitely in that camp. We've moved on to a metal chastity device. We just got it adjusted to the point where I have been able to wear it for several days without any problems. So this week she took the keys to my castle, if you get the idea - LOL.

So, this is a whole different kind of personal sharing. I hope it isn't a turn-off to my blog for anyone out there reading it :-)