Bruce Jenner

So I can't *not write* about this.

This is an incredible story, but incredible does not imply that it's all that unique... if you strip out all of the celebrity aspects. Which is the *very reason* that I feel it's an incredible story (because it's not all that unique without her celebrity status).

You can (re)watch it here: http://abc.go.com/shows/2020/listing/2015-04/24-bruce-jenner-the-interview

I can relate to parts of it, which makes me feel better and boosts my hope for my personal future. Exactly as happens when I read the stories of transgender experiences from bloggers (you people!!!) and others.

Our stories and our challenges are being heard outside of our own communities more and more. The media is casting a much more positive and supportive story about us every day.

Some may feel jealousy, because it's "easier" for her to transition because of her financial resources, no fear of losing her job, or her celebrity status. I have no doubt that is true, but let's temper "jealousy" a bit, maybe down to "envy" level. She didn't "do this" to us. She just more or less did it in front of us.

I don't know what motivated Bruce to do this interview, or the docuseries we have heard about. But from what I recall from the interview, she has had personal costs too. 3 marriages and it sounds like her relationship with some of her older kids have been strained as a result. One of the reasons keeping her from transitioning was hurting her loved ones. I think she said "letting them down". I know that feeling and I think a lot (if not most) of us do.

So why the interview, why the docuseries? Is it just to make a buck? I'm sure that's a part of it, but I also feel like she is really trying to re-cast herself (out of the ashes of the Kardashian relationship) as an advocate for transgender people. I really feel that she is using her celebrity status, and just as much her incredible Olympic decathlon success, to create positive change for all of us. About 15 million people watched it, and it was the highest non-sports related Friday night (US) program ever if I'm recalling correctly. So it did reach many.

Do you think it was difficult for her to make the decision to transition, to the world? Not just her friends and family?

Time will tell if she's dedicated to helping our cause :-) I am hoping to see her engage in the LGBT world regularly once she finally comes out all the way.

A couple of questions about our last night out

HerSubScott posted a couple of questions about our last night out at the club that I thought I'd re-post  as a full blog post.

Wow, what an exciting night, Jen! Sounds like a place where you can be comfortable in being 'you'. I bet that felt wonderful when Miss took the lead on the dance floor. 

May I ask you a couple of questions? Did you feel very girly while at the club? Also, do attending these events give you confidence to reveal a little more of that side of you to friends or family?

Warm wishes, Scott

Thank you for the comment Scott!

I do appreciate the questions you ask :-)

I absolutely loved the feeling of being lead on the dance floor. It felt emotionally 'comfortable' for lack of better words to describe it. I guess it was nice to be kind of 'directed'.

Instead of me dancing with some kind of 'male' purpose or machismo attitude, which in the past seemed to feel to me like I didn't really know what I was doing, I felt like I was more going with the flow and trying much more to compliment how Miss was dancing with my own.

While I haven't kept any type of track of these new feelings and emotions that happen when I'm en-femme, I basically just feel better and more at ease that way. The more I experience life en-femme, the more I want life en-femme. I'm addicted ;-)

So YES! I feel very girly at the club. I know there are probably guys (or ?) looking at me (and Miss too) and hopefully enjoying what they see. Of course I'm not 'interested' but a girl can enjoy the attention, can't she?

I think more and more about coming out. I'm pretty much out to Miss's daughter already.

I should have posted about going out to dinner for her daughter's birthday recently but life is very busy for me and I didn't. I wore all girl clothes but they were not girly. Skinny jeans, with a blue button down non-frilly blouse and very low heeled black women's shoes.

Last weekend Miss and I went shopping and picked up a couple of women's casual t-shirt tops that I will start to wear with her when we are out and I am in boy mode. So I'm working on being more girl, more often!

I could see myself coming out to Miss's mother possibly. At least I'd like to be able to do that one day sooner than later but only if Miss feels it's appropriate. As for coming out to my family, that's still a ways off. I think I want the kids to be beyond "kids" in their age and maturity before dropping this on them :-)

Another Saturday TGirl Night at Hamburger Mary's - Part 2

So off we go to the club!

This was our 2nd time going to TGirl Nights, and our 3rd time at Hamburger Mary's. We were both looking forward to it with a lot of excitement. Having a public venue and event that is safe, fun, and more importantly emotionally comfortable for us, where we can be who we are is amazing and energizing!

I had read that there was going to be some type of film or video shooting going on. One of the girls had been posting on Facebook to get trans people to be a part of it. My understanding was that the shooting was to be out front. And when we drove by the street entrance to Mary's they were definitely in the process of shooting.

We parked our car at a small lot across the street. I was of course nervous about walking in my new heels because they were taller than any other's I have (4" vs. 3"). I did fine on the walk to the club entrance, and really enjoyed the feel of a slight breeze in my skirt!

This time there was a little rush of people arriving at the same time as us, so we got in line and waited our turn to show ID and get our bracelets. When it was my turn I think the girl checking IDs was surprised again when she looked at my license and then up to my face to see if it was really me :-D I think this time I said something like "Yes, it's really me." I'm definitely eating that up as a compliment!!!

We entered the main door and were asked if we had reservations (we did not this time). We were still early enough that when we were escorted to our seats, they were again right next to the stage/dance floor. 

What we immediately noticed was the film/video crew were setup inside! I was a little worried about being seen on a show of some kind that someone I know could see one day. Almost immediately upon sitting down one of the film crew came by with a release form for us to accept or reject being a part of the filming. I didn't wan't to be a party-pooper and cause them to have to blur our faces out, so what the heck, we wen't with it. I hope it makes it to release one day! 

After that the TGirl Nights promoter/hostess Jamie Jameson walked by and recognized us from last month! She even remembered my name! She is just great! And I guess she's been doing this for 6 years now.

This was the night before Easter, and they were handing out bunny ears for anyone that wanted them. We picked up a pair and ordered some drinks and food (the food was excellent, again). Then the film crew was asking for people to join together so they could shoot us dancing and having a good time. We joined in for that. The trans girl that had requested people to join in for the shooting had some lines to say for the filming, and we (the crowd) were to cheer and wave afterward. We did a few takes and that was it for the filming.

We were both up for dancing this time around. Miss and I got out on the dance floor quite a bit. We were both really enjoying the drinks that we were ordering, and we were both having a blast. Some of it she doesn't remember too well - LOL! But she was certainly taking the lead with me on the dance floor, and that felt GREAT! Wonderful reversal of traditional gender roles.

There are photographers and videographers that regularly shoot the party. This time we got caught in a still picture and in a  few seconds of video. I tried to chop stills out of the video and put them into an animated GIF file. Not sure if Blogger will allow the animated file, but here goes nothing!

Eventually Miss had enough liquid courage to feel comfortable going up to one of the Go-go dancers and tipped her. The dancer gave her a very 'nice' hug I believe :-)

At around midnight Jamie has a cash raffle, and then invited anyone that wanted to join in a group picture to do so (to show off those cute bunny ears!).  I joined in.

So we had another great time! Now to think about what to wear next time...

Take care everyone!!!!

Another Saturday TGirl Night at Hamburger Mary's - Part 1: Getting Ready - LOL!

OK I think we are HOOKED!

I'm going to have to do this in two parts, this one covers getting ready. The next one will be about how it went.

Last weekend (Easter) we made another outing to our not local enough LGBT friendly Bar/Nightclub, Hamburger Mary's. The first Saturday of every month is a monthly dance party put on by Jamie Jameson / TGirl Nights.

This was an Easter themed party, with bunny ears for those wanting to wear them. Also, some kind of video production taping was going on. I'll talk about that in part 2.

The day started out as usual, with me running a couple of shopping errands the first part of the day, then doing my weekly epilating, getting makeup on, figuring out the outfit, and Miss doing my nails.

Figuring that we would be going to Mary's this night (and me having arranged my parenting responsibilities with my ex-wife to allow it), I had been thinking what outfit I should wear. I pretty much knew the skirt I wanted to go with, but I hadn't had time to get out my girl clothes to be able to see if I had an appropriate-for-the-evening top to go with it.

Luckily there is a discount clothing store by my office that on occasion I have made quick lunch time shopping trips to. I've had great luck finding tops and skirts there. So given that I wasn't sure I had a top that I'd feel good wearing along with the skirt I had in mind, I made a trip there the day before.

My good fortune continued, I picked out 2 tops and one was just perfect! A black top with a little silver and gold shiny *bling* on the front. I knew I had a bracelet and some equally *bling*'d earrings that would go well with it.

The skirt felt a little shorter and more exposed than the one I wore last time, so I was definitely pushing myself again in the anxiety department by not going in a conservative blend-in style. 

And to add even more to that anxiety, I was going in just my thong 'gaff' panties this time. Last time I had worn them on top of cut-off control top pantyhose to help keep any little embarrassing body parts from making themselves known as best I could. But I ditched the pantyhose mid-way through the night as way too uncomfortable and won't likely be trying that again!  

In my head the weeks prior to this night, I was thinking I really wanted to go with peep-toe heels. I had a pair, but they were just too worn out. Just a week prior I received a pair I ordered on Amazon that I was hoping would fit the bill. I had looked at local shoe stores and could not find the style in a size that wold have any chance of fitting me. I was really worried about them fitting, but I was hoping that being they were an ankle strap style I'd have some (literal) wiggle-room to work with. They fit perfectly! 

I was also worried they would be a new level of challenge for me to walk in, as they are 4 inch heels, and my others are no more than 3 inches. But after getting as much break-in time in them as I could before the big night, I managed pretty well. Actually better than the time before!

In the end I was really happy with the end result of the outfit! Miss did her usual awesome job with putting white-tipped nails on me, which worked great with the black and white color scheme. The stockings were black with black polka-dots! 

So much FUN! I finally consciously realized this time how it's actually really REALLY fun to dress as a woman. En-homme I never experienced any enjoyment in what I wore. Always practical and no-nonsense. I now finally understand why women need a lot more clothes then men. 

Take care everyone!