Memory Lane: How I moved past wearing just panties and pantyhose to actual clothes

This post was inspired by memory lane, thanks to a post about the movie The Crying Game made by Cyrsti over at Cyrsti's Transgender Condo. I posted a version of this post there, but wanted to add a little more to it here.

I think I caught this movie a year or so after it came out, when it hit HBO or Showtime.

That post made me wonder where my mind was as far as my transgender evolution was concerned, and what my own feelings about trans people were at the time. I certainly didn't know any that I was aware of.

So as far as the movie goes and what I thought about it, and my reaction to it... I think I was just blown away that it was actually a guy and not a girl. That was probably my first "real" transgender experience (yeah lame, just a movie). At that time that was probably the most edgy movie I had ever seen (discounting all the VHS porn which was just plain vanilla stuff).

At the time I was married with 2 young kids. I know that during this time I was wearing pantyhose every now and then, and mostly in a sexual context, but I think that was the extent of my girlyness back then. I was in my mid 20s.

Subconsciously I think was exploring whether my wife was going to accept it, and if so how far or how much.

Thinking back now, she accepted it, but barely. She wasn't *really* into it or very encouraging. I think that alone kept me in a holding pattern for about 15 years. I just repressed moving any farther than occasional wearing of pantyhose/stockings and panties - which might have been a compulsion I couldn't control. I think I was hoping my wife would get turned on by it, and that would have been my sign that she was on-board, and that I could move forward with it.

Never happened, but luckily we split up, and I reconnected with my high school crush. With her I am SO lucky!

I eventually got the courage to tell my girlfriend I wore panties and pantyhose. She didn't react badly when I first broke the news. I did it at her work to avoid a serious blow up (if it were to happen that way which it didn't).

Well she got right on board. TOTALLY!

It seemed like no time went by before she had me try on some of her clothes and panties (full dress up time), which I had never worn anything other than lingerie before. It was incredible to do that for the first time, and with someone I was in a relationship with to boot! OMG paydirt!

The result of this was that my girlfriend opened me up to a dream I had never, ever consciously considered! "Not in a million years" as they say :-) If it weren't for her not just accepting, but encouraging and facilitating me, I'd still be where I was. And not happy at all.

Oh, and she bought me my first dress back then, a cute black and white dress. We bought thigh high stockings and she started taking pictures of me dressed up. It was such an awesome time for me, really it was an awakening of who I really should be that happened thanks to her.

Now all I can dream of are the times I get to be a girl. What a flip!

Thank you sweetheart, I love you!