Response to Mistress Anna - Re: Long term chastity?

Mistress Anna over at Welcome to Anna's Place asked this question on my last blog post:

"I saw pics of this guy on Fetlife about a month ago. Hes been in Chastity for 17 years. How would you feel about that?"

To answer your question (and this is a long answer), before us trying this chastity experiment out, the thought of long term chastity had not entered my mind. I hadn't thought very consciously about duration at all. I just had thoughts that would pop into my head about how frustrated and out of my mind I would be after a week, or two weeks, or (GASP!) three weeks without an orgasm. I guess anything longer than that seemed unthinkable to me? I really have no other concrete reason as to why I thought that way.

As of today I've been in chastity for about three and a half weeks - two and a half since handing over custody of the keys and any control I had over getting off. And that is HARD! (pun intended!) Miss has let me out twice (last weekend, and the weekend before).

Just prior to starting with chastity I had become more sexual, or I guess more horny. I was masturbating probably three or four times during the week. For background, we are only together on weekends due to my kid situation. Monday to Friday we are apart, and I'd get off in the morning before my shower. So I think Miss is very happy to keep me from masturbating... Very happy :-)

Physically I'm thinking the device is working out really well, much better than I ever expected. So as of today, from a practical perspective, it seems like I could possibly wear it nearly 24/7/365.

I am still trying to get my head around the mental and emotional part. In one way I feel so proud that I have been able to be in chastity for this long because Miss is so absolutely thrilled at the control this gives her. And I had no idea to what degree she was going to like this. I was afraid it would not be of any interest to her, and I really-really wanted her to want to keep me in chastity because her wanting that for herself would be another sign to me that she wants me as hers. It would also be an expression of love from her to me, that she wants me as her, well, play-toy?

OK, that was a bit of rambling stream of consciousness. What has been on my (worrying) mind this last week is what is Miss thinking? Since I'm doing pretty well with the device physically, is she thinking that unless she's using her toy there is no real reason that it needs to be unlocked?

I want to ask her and probably will, but she might get annoyed that I'm asking and punish me for it. In fact last night she put me on notice that if I get all naggy about how sore and frustrated I can get in the cage, or if I have any non-submissive attitude with her that she would not unlock me this weekend at all. That would mean I'd be locked up for two more weeks, making it three weeks since she last unlocked me, and five and a half weeks in chastity total (granted, with 3 releases).

Actually I may have already exhibited "Attitude" with her on the phone last night, and she called me out on it. I hope she doesn't consider that cause to keep me locked and denied as she threatened to :-(

One thing about being locked up is that I am more submissive, and I'm also much more horny! Especially when I have the urethral tube inserted. But Miss has not (yet) tortured me by having me bring her to orgasm while keeping me in the cage and denying me the same. I'm not sure if that idea has caught her fancy yet.

Short answer: A part of me wants to be in chastity 24/7/365, no doubt about it. I never expected to feel that way. Another part of me is struggling with being so horny and not being able to get off.

Reading that back I think I'm thinking like many people probably do. I'll just have to wait to see what Miss wants, and go from there.

I really DO want her to have 100% control of my cock. I've fantasized far beyond that...about there being a futuristic pain device that is surgically inserted into the penis that is controlled by a device implanted into her finger tips. She could control the intensity and it could even (somehow) render me unconscious. We did play with a dog shock collar a few times :-) Yeah, crazy I am!

p.s. If I'm going to be locked up I guess I need to stock up on crotchless panties! Time to shop!!! :-D

I love you so much! How much? Chastity time!

Submissive in need of control?!!! How did I get this way???
I have always fantasized about being under as much physical and mental control as possible, as a submissive to a dominant woman (before I had a vocabulary to describe my feelings even!) Chastity is one of the few ways to prove your devotion that is somewhat obtainable today.

Isn't submission to the one you love a great sign of love and devotion? What could prove that more than "I'll do anything you ask, anything to make you happy", "I'll suffer any pain or punishment you see fit to inflict, and beg for more?"

We often hear people say "I'll die for you!" So why not prove it then?!! But not the dying part. Put your money where you mouth is, or your ass over her knee, and prove your love has no limits :-P Did knights really die for their princesses?

I think submission for me came from reading comics in Playboy/Penthouse with FemDom themes. I remember one where women had a guy strapped down to a medical table and were giving him injections to keep him hard - a Viagra prediction? This was 1973 or so and I was in 1st or 2nd grade. He was to be a sex slave. The magazines were in a pile out in a citrus tree field behind where we lived at the time. Obviously someone "hid" them there, and other boys were with me checking them out. Maybe I though if I was submissive I'd get the girl?

Tried chastity in the past... alone.
Before getting back with Miss, I tried chastity out. I orderd a CB2000, then a CB3000. But my ex had no interest with it, so I did not get any of the emotional experience of having someone else controlling access to my cock, and not knowing when I would be allowed to get off again. So it was not fulfilling at all.

Present day
I finally couldn't ignore the need to explore chastity with Miss. I did a bunch of research of blogs and other things online to see what was available. We looked at different types of devices, and decided on one to try out. The picture below is the finished product. It has a urethral tube that can easily be inserted and removed without unlocking the device.

Fine-tuning the fit
I had spent the 2nd and 3rd weeks of October adjusting the device. It is a cheap Chinese knock-off and I really just thought it would only serve to figure out if this style of device was in the ballpark and if it would be worth investing in a higher quality custom made version of it.

I used some JB Weld to make the "A" ring (the one that goes around both the penis and scrotum) a permanent ring as it was a hinged ring that would pinch my skin otherwise. I also bent the metal to make the distance between that "A" ring and the cage part that encloses the penis head and shaft a bit narrower so my testicles would be less likely to slip out. Those adjustments have worked very well so far.

The week prior to Halloween I wore it from Tuesday October 27th to Saturday afternoon October 31st (Halloween) - 4 days. That was my "dry run" (pun intended) to see if this particular chastity device (after my adjustments) was going to work for long term wear. Was it comfortable enough? And was it secure enough to not come off too easily?

I put it back on Sunday November 1st and gave Miss the keys the next day (Monday the 2nd).
I was locked without access to the keys from Sunday to Saturday evening - just short of a week.

It came off Sunday because I told Miss I was not going to be able to be very lady-like at the monthly Tgirl Nights dance party we go to with it on. I could not cross my legs very well at all in chastity. She agreed and unlocked me, which I stayed unlocked until the next morning (Sunday Nov. 8th).

Again I went just short of a full week in chastity. From Sunday morning (Nov. 8th) to the next Saturday night (November 14th). Miss let me out of the cock cage so she could have her fun - hehehehehe! But she locked me back in a short while after.

Miss is totally ecstatic about me being in chastity. She LOVES having that power and control over me. She's had control of me for over 2 weeks now. I can only imagine what it must feel like to control a man's cock by locking it into a metal cage and knowing he will feel pain with every (attempted) erection, and knowing that he can't get off.

Where is Miss going with this?
When I ask Miss questions about what's on her mind, especially when it comes to her plans for me, 2x especially if it has to do with her dispensing discomfort to me, she often says "You are on a need to know basis!"

I asked her in a fairly subtle manner, what does she envision for my chastity? She was coy, as she doesn't like to put something out there and then have it not come to be, and didn't provide a real response. She is used to being disappointed in life, so I understand that she doesn't like to get her hopes up in case they might get crushed. But I suspect if the cage works out she might want me caged up 24/7/365, except for when she has a need for what's inside.

Recap
I've been in chastity since October 27th, with just three periods unlocked (two "for her pleasure"). First time unlocked was for about 18 hours, second time out was about 12, and the third time out was for about 4 hours. So that's three weeks in chastity as of tomorrow...

Getting our FemDom sissy slave BDSM on! (and more backstory)

OK, time to depart from whatever level of political and cultural correctness I've managed to maintain on this blog and share some of our deep dark steamy kink!

Among the many things we could be classified as, Miss and I are a  FemDom couple. Maybe I should real quick try to share more background for people to get a better picture of what we are like...

As a kid I was very shy, so introverted. When we were in high school and Miss had me in the "Friend Zone" we hung out for hour upon hour and I wanted to make a move but was terrified to do so. I was waiting for some sign from her that she had interest but that didn't happen until around 5 or 6 years after we had first met. So I think that's a big facet of my submissiveness to her.

Not too long ago I posted about how Miss and I got back together after another 15 or so years went by of no contact. In that post I mentioned how I had to come out to her about my cross dressing because I felt I couldn't keep that in the closet, and needed to know if she was ok with it or not. As it turned out she was more than ok with it, and over time I realized that she loves me being a woman - Damn lucky I am!

BDSM, enter stage right!
In the early stages of us getting back together somehow I also brought up another kink, BDSM. She was good with this and we started slowly. At first she would tie me up and there wold be some whipping and spanking. Nothing really extreme. That's as far as it went during the 1st round of our re-uniting. We split up (I went back to my ex and kids).

Cross dressing gets more serious
During the second try at re-uniting things developed a little further. When we had alone time at her place I was dressing up more. And she gave me my first experience with makeup! I still hadn't consciously realized I was transgender. I would dress up and we would go outside and sit on her front patio, have a few drinks, and chill out. It was an upstairs apartment and fairly secluded if we were sitting. I don't remember where this wig came from!

Miss bought me my first dress ever!

Outside on Miss's patio

Sexy time!

Miss is a 'cutter'!
She must have brought the subject up. While I knew one aspect of cutting, from the negative psychological perspective with people doing it to themselves, I had never heard of anything kink-positive about it. When she brought it up I was thinking (to myself) "I can't take that kind of pain!" But I did not want to let her down, so she carved me. She carved the word "SLAVE" across my upper back, and I think it was with a diabetic syringe needle.

Perhaps this happened that same night, and perhaps it was a different carving; it was a number of years ago. It was raining, and late in the evening. I was so out of my mind about going through that pain, for sure endorphin's were running high. I was experiencing a euphoric orgasm of mind blowing ecstasy coming out of the pain of having my back carved.

I was in a primal, instinctive, adrenaline pumped crazy impulsive state of mind. That's the best I can describe it, and I have never experienced anything like that before. I put on a pair of Miss's high heels. I might have had some makeup on. I walked out her front door onto the patio. I looked around, the rain was coming down pretty good. I don't know what was in my head, but I continued walking down the stairs. Only in her black heels, with SLAVE carved on my back, probably some blood was seeping out of it. I walked all the way around her apartment building, into the alley behind, then back upstairs to her apartment. All I can say is I was out of my mind in subspace. I sooo easily could have been seen by a neighbor, or a car turning the corner in the alley, but I don't think I was.

There was another instance where she was really pissed at me. She carved a broken heart on my chest! I was scared about how upset she was. At the same time I was relived that at least she wasn't so upset that she kicked me to the curb. (That happened later, but it's a different story that I will share eventually...)

My back, with Miss's "M" carved on me

Miss - also sadistic Pyro?! And I say that in the absolutely most joyful and flattering way possible!
I think I must have told her how I had fantasied about being burnt with a cigarette. She obliged, I think starting with brushing it lightly against my inner thigh. She escalated from there and pressed the tip against either my balls or cock (or maybe she did both). It hurt like hell!

Miss eventually got to the point where she was using her cigarettes, or incense, to burn a ring around my butt-hole. Those sessions seem to be very very long and intensely painful.

I will need to ask Miss about how she came into awareness about her enjoying inflicting pain so much. I'm really curious!

Recently...
A part of many submissive's nature includes the need to be controlled sexually. I am definitely in that camp. We've moved on to a metal chastity device. We just got it adjusted to the point where I have been able to wear it for several days without any problems. So this week she took the keys to my castle, if you get the idea - LOL.

So, this is a whole different kind of personal sharing. I hope it isn't a turn-off to my blog for anyone out there reading it :-)

Re-uniting, Coming out to Miss, Breaking up again, Re-re-uniting

Backstory
Soon after high school, when I was working my way through college, Miss and I had dated briefly. My immaturity was the reason we split up. But we did have some fun times, and I'll have to write about that down the road.

After we split up, we didn't have any contact at all. We both got married (to other people) and had kids. During that time I fantasized about her all the time. Weekly, daily... I was still in love with her. There were many times I remember fantasizing I was with her while I was having sex with my ex. Sometimes that's what it took for me to be able to climax.

This was long before social media sites existed (mid-to-late 1980's), so in my heart I knew I never was going to see her again. I had no friends or acquaintances that would have known where she was or how to contact her.

Miracle time
Around 2002 I had come across the classmates.com website. That site had gotten high school class rosters and made them available online. You could sign up as "yourself" and send email through the site to other people. I checked it out, and eventually I decided to try to contact her. I sent email through the site, but I never in a million years expected her to have found that site or signed up on it as this was really early in the Internet's growth. Plus I figured she was happily married and probably wouldn't be interested in me even if she wasn't. But a miracle did happen, and she emailed me back!

I Internet stalked her somehow, and got her approximate address. It looked like it could have been a housing track, so I definitely assumed she was happily married.

As I eventually found out yes, she had been married and had a child but had divorced. But now she had a boyfriend that was living with her and her daughter. I was still married.

I don't recall all the specific details of what happened back then, but via email we setup a phone call, we ended up talking on the phone, and that lead to a "let's meet in person."

The arrangement was for me to meet her at her office at lunch time. I was incredibly nervous, and the anticipation and excitement about actually seeing her in person was driving me crazy! I could not wait!

So we meet again
I arrived and went to the receptionist and said I was here to meet Miss (well, using her real name). A co-worker took me back to where she was.

When I first saw her I was scared that this was just going to be a "hi how ya been" kind of casual meetup. But our eyes met, I sensed something good but I couldn't tell you if it was inside me or something I sensed coming from her. We walked toward each other and ended up in a nice big tight hug! I died! I was in heaven! She wasn't rejecting me or holding me at arms length. Wheeeeeew!!!

So I felt hope that I could have her again, one day, even though we were both still attached. We continued to meet for lunch at her office regularly. It was so so nice! A second chance with the woman of my dreams!!!

After not too long she split up with her boyfriend, and I was able to visit her at her house.

Coming out
I was wearing pantyhose under my pants regularly, and had been doing so while visiting Miss at her office. At this point in time I had no conscious thoughts about being transgender. No gender dysphoria awareness. In fact, I was so naive at this point that I thought "shemales" were not actually real. They didn't exist, it was all doctored photographs. I didn't mentally connect Billy Jean King to gender transition at all. This was just back in 2002!

So here I am, on the verge of a dream come true finding Miss again. But inside I have stress about my cross dressing secret. If I told her would she reject me?

I sent her a porn picture of  a transgender girl in a cheerleader outfit. I don't remember what I was thinking when I sent it, but I did. She didn't react to it that I recall, but sometime later she said she wondered if I was trying to "tell her" something. I guess I was, but it wasn't conscious.

Eventually, while meeting her for lunch one day, I got the courage to confess. I did it because I didn't want to keep any secrets from her, and because I knew I could not stop enjoying wearing women's lingerie. I needed to know sooner than later if she would accept that about me or not. Well, she did accept me, and my cross dressing.

Miss Double downs!
Miss did far more than just accept my cross dressing. She took me to a whole new level of self-understanding about my gender identity. I don't think that was her goal, but that's what happened.

She encouraged my dressing up. I think one of the first things she did was to pick out a full outfit for me from her own wardrobe, including some cute panties with a strawberry print pattern, and had me try them on and wear them at her place. She bought me lingerie and we did photo shoots so I could see what I looked like. For my birthday she bought me my first dress! OMG that is the birthday gift I remember out of all I've ever received.

I was in heaven, and doing things I never imagined for myself. I was experiencing being able to fully dress like a woman, and I had the woman I loved completely accepting and supporting me with it. I was getting excited about life, and looking forward to the future, instead of just "marking time" in life with someone I should have left years earlier. But that's a whole different story.

Blowing it with Miss - so much for second chances
So I told my wife I was leaving. I packed my things and moved in with Miss. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, leaving my kids. In high school I had promised I would never abandon my kids like my father had me. And I had shared that sentiment with Miss back then too. Telling her that then, may have been the single most important thing that made it possible for us to be together today. Because she already knew about the promise I made to myself about my kids.

I was with Miss for little more than a day or two before I could not take the sadness and depression of leaving my kids. I was a sobbing, crying, broken wreck. I had to go back to them. I couldn't leave them, even though it was going to mean I would never have the woman I had already loved (in absentia) for 20 years. A woman that actually enjoyed me being feminine. The woman that was unlocking my real self, my real feminine self. My highest most personal (selfish?) dream was to be with her, but I had promised myself I would not leave my kids.

So I went back to my horrible married life. Sacrificing myself for my kids. Turning my back on the biggest dream of my life - Miss. It was not a choice, it was just what I, as a responsible parent, had to do.

I could never expect Miss to want to have anything to do with me again. This was the last shovel of dirt on the coffin. She had given up her boyfriend for me. I made promises to her and broke them.

She got back with her boyfriend and they married (I learned that a few years later). I was back in my unhappy marriage, "marking time" again. I probably thought that when the kids all move out I can end the marriage and go from there. But I knew Miss would not give me a third chance. She had moved on.

3 years go by: Re-re-uniting
I was living my miserable life, working long hours probably because that meant less time to have to spend interacting with my wife. I thought all the time of how I screwed up my 2nd chance with Miss. Any progress in me as far as gender dysphoria was concerned was also gone. Yes my wife knew of my cross dressing, but she wasn't interested in it. She just put up with it.

I was working at my desk at home on a Saturday morning. I get an instant message from Miss. My heart pounds jumping into hope again that Miss might still care and want me somehow. I message her back........

I'll have to work on the next chapter of our story in a future post, but yes we did get back together for a 3rd time!... But can you believe it, we also went to the brink of breaking up a third time a while later! Don't worry, we are totally good now - Whew!!!!

Results from http://bdsmtest.org/

I guess this is where I stand with this particular BDSM survey

== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
100% girl/boy
100% Degradation receiver
100% Submissive
99% Bondage receiver
96% Pet
93% Masochist
86% Slave
86% Primal (Prey)
83% Exhibitionist
80% Experimentalist
79% Brat
75% Voyeur
61% Ageplayer
25% Non-monogamist
22% Switch
7% Primal (Hunter)
4% Vanilla
0% Master/Mistress
0% Brat tamer
0% Sadist
0% Bondage giver
0% Dominant
0% Daddy/Mommy
0% Degradation giver
0% Owner
0% All-Rounder
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=752038

Gettin' Jiggy Wit It

We got CRAZY! Soooo crazy on the dance floor!

Last Saturday we made it back to the LGBT friendly club Hamburger Mary's for the first time in three or four months for Jamie Jameson's monthly TGirl Saturday dance party. Our summer schedule really different and crazy as far as little free weekend time and we just couldn't get a night free to make 'til now.

We got ready, with our usual preparations, with Miss doing both our nails very pretty as always :-D

My outfit was a black top, white and black skirt, black polka-dot thigh-high stockings  (my toes were painted red), 'featuring' black thong panties (LOL!), and the white tipped finger nails Miss had put on for me (there is a whole process to what she does there).

The top was a little different than the picture below and I wore different jewelry, but the rest of the outfit was the same.

I've gotten more confident going
out to the club in shorter skirts!

Oh, and I have to say that Miss was looking dynamite sexy herself, in a blue lightly sequined top with cutouts at the shoulders and ripped blue jeans - Yummy!!! 

It's a real thrill to be able to dress sexy and be out with Miss as girlfriends. I can't tell you how joyfully happy that makes me feel. I get a big dose of hope that I'll be full time one day :-D

We get to the club a little after 8 and park across the street. I actually like that better than parking in the garage behind the club as it's a lot more public and I just don't get enough "out in public" time while I'm en-femme.

We have our IDs checked at the entrance and are escorted to a table with a great view of the dance floor and the overall club. We order dinner which as always was just delicious (I had salmon with vegetables). Of course we also got going with Margarita's.... and we kept them coming.

While we are eating the music is going and people are starting to get out and dance. About 9:30 Jamie kicks off the party proper and introduces the featured dancers, and the dance floor starts to get more crowded. We both take turns using the restroom so we don't have to worry about loosing our table if we are both gone (but I'm sure we wouldn't have). No bathroom issues here - I've never been in the men's room at the club - hehehe!

After that Miss says she is ready to dance. I suggest that we get our picture taken first on the "Red Carpet" but she is insistent that now is the time to dance - so off we go!!!

So we are dancing with each other and having a great time. I think I'm better at dancing in heels than walking in them, but I don't think I had any major faux pas in the walking department - at least not that I can remember!

Here is where the 'Jiggy comes in. And that's almost a literal 'Jiggy, as I'm about to try and explain. 

A guy works his way towards us while we are dancing. He was very polite entirely by the way. He starts to dance next to us, so I think cool, I'll be friendly and dance a little bit with him. This is the 2nd or 3rd guy that I've ever danced with by the way. 

It was obvious that Miss and I were dancing together, and he also moved towards Miss and danced with her too. So basically the three of us were dancing together at one point. And he was so polite that he even asked if it was ok for him to dance between us, which we both said 'yes' of course.

So I am having a great time, we're all dancing together and he's taking turns with both of us. As he and I are dancing we start to get 'Jiggy! I mean REALLY JIGGGGGGY!!!! It's Dirty Dancing time. He starts to dance all sultry and sexy with the whole facial expression thing going on. I get into it and encourage it a little with how I'm dancing. He gets more confident and ups his game with me at this point. I'm thinking to myself - Oh my god, he's really turned on by this! My inner attention whore is both amazed & incredibly flattered, but also in disbelief!

Things continue to get more and more uninhibited. Did I mention that Miss and I are both pretty inebriated from all the alcohol we had been drinking? He dances closer to me, and I put those sexy nails that Miss did for me to good use. I teased his shoulder and back from behind with my nails while he was dancing with Miss. He has a button down shirt that is mostly unbuttoned. He backs into me a little and I reach around him and start to tease his bare chest. I'm thinking he's really enjoying this, don't you?

He switches back to dancing facing me. At this point Miss starts giving me the "thumbs up" sign so I know she is giving me the OK for what's going on, but I'm not really sure where her line is with as far how far this should go. So in "dance style/fashion", one of us (I don't remember who) starts to straddle the other's leg in that sexy dancing teasing/pelvis grinding way (but no contact at this point that I remember.) I am looking at Miss and she's still giving me "thumbs up" so I go with it and we are just going crazy. 

He turns back to dance with Miss and I can tell he's dancing close to her. He did that for a while, then he backed towards me and started to press his butt back into me as we danced. I'm going with this crazy moment still, pressing my pelvis back against him, teasing him with my nails. I'm lost in the moment (and the tequila) at this point but I'm still looking at Miss to see if I'm going too far or not for her, but she is smiling and all is good. 

Then our man starts to feel me up, running his hand up along the inside of one of my thighs to the top of my stockings. I'm thinking I hope I don't get aroused! Well, I'm letting this happen, in some kind of attention-whore-tequila-shock, so I just keep dancing and letting it play out because I have never been in this kind situation before. Not ever, not even as a guy. As a guy I never had the "guts" to dance with a girl and feel her up as I "knew" she would immediately reject me. But as a girl I have to confess that I was eating this attention up.

OK, so guess what, he eventually goes for the prize. Very gently he works his way all the way up my skirt and starts to fondle me along the sides of my thong and then underneath it. I am totally at a loss as to what to do. In (flattered/amazed?) disbelief! Other than a doctor, only one other time has a male touched my privates. That was a friend/fellow Cub Scout when I think I was 8 years old (but that's another story).

Eventually he turns to me and asks me if he can suck me off!!!! The first time he asked I just smiled not knowing what to say. Then he asked again and I kept smiling kindly and said I'm sorry and shook my head. 

What I didn't learn until later was that he was trying to get 'Jiggy with Miss too! He was trying to feel her up, but she doesn't have a 'Jiggy! He asked her if he could suck her off also! Going for the threesome? Miss told him she was sorry but she didn't have one of "those." Butt she did tell me she was flattered that he thought she was a trans person!

I came to my senses a bit, knowing this wasn't going to go any further (and not wanting it to), so Miss and I took our leave of the dance floor and headed up to the Red Carpet to get our pictures taken, and we left the club after that.

This was a wild experience let me tell you! Miss and I both had a great time. OMG!!!!

I hope 'our man' didn't feel lead on.

A bit more Q & A from sara e

Thanks for keeping up with great comments and questions sara!

Panties
Let's see.... Miss does like to have me on edge when we go out in public when I'm in boy-mode, but she hasn't (yet!) pushed me to wear panties that would stand out and be very visible in my thin white shorts. I wear panties all the time except on Tidy-Whitey Tuesday. Every Tuesday I have to wear that horrible men's underwear - ecchhh!!! For panties I prefer bikini and hipster style, but if I'm sexing it up at the house for Miss, or we are going out dancing, I'll go with a thong for sure!

Music
We do love music, but we don't have any real standards. Neither of us have good singing voices so we don't often sing along to our favorites. Yes we like Katy Perry's "I kissed a girl" and we are big 80's fans so Cyndi Lauper's "Girls just want to have fun" gets us grooving, and "She-bop" gets the booties moving pretty good. Yes every now and then I give a shot at twerking - she seems to enjoy that :-)

Attraction
When I was young I was attracted to boobs. Pure and simple. I still am, and Miss teases me that when I do get them I'm going to be non-stop one hand on the boobs, the other on the crotch. Rinse and repeat ;-) As far as other body characteristics I find attractive, I'm all over the map. I tend to like fuller figured women, but I see beauty and sexyness in how people dress more than their body type. Of course a sexy and perverted mind is the most sexy thing there is!

Clothes
Clothes with side and back zippers I have just recently realized I really liked! I have a dress with a back zipper that I like the look of. The zipper is obviously larger than needed for functional purposes, it's a part of the styling. The look is very mildly "steam punk" like. My impression is that Miss kind of likes style for herself, but a little milder than the full-on style. I am going to have to keep an eye out for more of that style of clothes, it could be really fun!

Oh, and a side-note. I really love shopping now, and wearing clothes as a girl is actually FUN! I never enjoyed anything about boy clothes. Shopping for them is not enjoyable for me, never has been, and I have never felt "attractive" in boy clothes. I realize now that I just love being in girl clothes!

Thank you for the link of that retro romper you like! I have wanted to find one too but haven't yet. There are other pretty patterns on that site too! www.unique-vintage.com

Etc.

I love having a bikini tan, even if it's only the bottom half. I've seen where some girls have a heart shaped inverse-tan line on their bottom, and I'd like to see if next year I can make that happen. It looks like they sell bikini bottoms to do that like the picture above, but I'd probably try to figure out how to make that myself.

I had not thought of tucking my phone in my bra, but it sounds like a good idea as you said. When outside walking I can never hear my phone. So having it on vibrate in a bra sounds like I might have a chance to know someone is calling or texting.

As far as wearing scents or perfume, it's not something Miss nor I have thought about yet. She loves to have body scents for herself, but not really perfume.

Thank you so much sara elise for visiting my blog! I'm glad you got your birthday spanking too, and I would love to hear about your recent travels and punishments (co-ed college visit?) :-)

Take care everyone! HUGS!!!

Responses to some questions from sarah elise & my (natal) birthday

Hi sarah & all of you wonderful blog readers!

Sarah had posted some questions on a recent post (Speed Bumps and Pantyhose), so I thought I'd answer some of them, and also write up an update as I haven't posted in a while. It's been a busy summer with vacation and work and life, so that's my excuse :-)

Update on Shopping
Miss and I went again this past weekend. We shop at local stores usually as there are so many people in our area we don't worry about meeting people we know, but if I'm en-femme we usually go to different stores than our routine. I wore my ladies white shorts that are made of very thin material, where you can see the panties underneath if you try, but I wore nude panties so there really wasn't anything to see. I wore "boat shoes" with socks that were just below the top of the shoes. I keep my legs shaved and right now they are fairly well tanned, and Miss likes me to show them off when we go out so I put on some lotion to give them a little extra shine. I wore a guys polo top with a bra underneath, and a light touch of pink lipstick.

While shopping I was nervous as usual, but I did not really see if anyone noticed me or not in any unusual way. Miss must have been disappointed that no one seemed to notice me wearing a bra, so while we were at the checkout register Miss snapped my bra strap! In the moment, I didn't know if anyone noticed what she did, but Miss told me later that the cashier in the aisle next to us noticed. I had looked around right after Miss first snapped my strap to see if anyone did, and I had made eye contact with that cashier and she gave me quite a disapproving look back - so there you go :-)

Birthday and Sharing Clothes
Miss and I both pick out clothes for me when we shop weather we are together or not. The really fun thing is that we share clothes! It was my birthday last week, and she ended up borrowing one of my dresses to wear. Really at this point I consider anything of mine fair game for her to wear whenever she feels like it. I had picked up a new blue dress and wore that for my birthday. I didn't have time to do my nails as it was a weekeday, but Miss did do my fingernails Saturday night :-D

I'm the model, but this is
the dress Miss wore

My birthday dress
(w/flash - better color)

My birthday dress

OK, so that's the more routine updates... Just one photo left to add from my birthday - yep - got spanked with a hairbrush. Just short of 50 hard smacks! The "M" brand is just a week old in this picture, not all the scabbing has come off yet. Miss made it larger than it had been before, and I really like it!

Birthday Debauchery
OK, so I haven't posted too much about our kinky side (branding aside), but also last weekend Miss tried out some new toys on me that we just picked up for our Nova Solid State Violet Wand  (it works great for us!) The new electrodes were a lot of fun for us both (I of course was on the receiving end). I don't have any pictures from this, but here are the attachments she used on me. The flogger electrode was by far the more painful one. You don't actually "hit" with it, you drag it across the body - and the zippity-zap sounds it makes as she moved it across my body were impressive!

Flogger electrode

Curved "Y" electrode

Sex and motivation - spicing it up!?

sara, you posted that your wife seemed to get a little more sexually interested when she had discovered that you were wearing a bra!

"She pulled up my shirt for inspection. My bra was a dark blue w/white polka dots (love that pattern!). She commented that i had a strap that needed straightening, and i only had one clasp on... and fixed them. She made a few comments and laughed a couple times. We went to work, as we normally would! Oh, except for Her one comment about "itty bitty titties" and laughing, as i recall!"

I love the polka dot look too - and Miss does also. It's like 1950's Americana retro looking. She has a white polka dot on dark blue one-piece swimsuit in that style. If you get Betty Boop shorts I'd love to see what they look like!

"She's learned to spank my bottom during sex to get me harder, and to make me perform and give her a more energetic performance! She came... though i did not. Afterwards, she helped me as i lay beside her, getting myself off in my pink nylon panties. A nice night! i certainly feel more submissive after being in a bra."

I feel so much more pretty, sexy and relaxed when I am in female mode. My submissive side isn't directly tied to weather I'm en-femme or en-homme, but I do enjoy sex much much more when en-femme, and Miss does too. As for Miss, I think she is sometimes much more dominant and aggressive in bed when I am dressed up and in makeup :-P And yes, when she gets rough when we are having sex it gets me much more turned on. A little tity-torture, some pinching and biting here and there, some choking, it's all good!

OK, that's a wrap for now - my best to all of you out there in the blogosphere - have fun!

Speed bumps and pantyhose

One day I was in Miss's car and she was driving down my back alley, probably taking me home. She has a very fun and adventurous soul which I dearly dearly love.

There were speed bumps in this alley, and she raced over them in defiance of the higher speeds that they are intended to prevent ;-)

After speeding over a set of those bumps, she made a comment about how good it feels to be wearing pantyhose under jeans when you drive over things like speed bumps and train tracks. Well I was instantly aroused that she would share such a woman-only thing with me. I probably responded leering-ly with something like "OOOOH, How good does it feel?" She probably responded with something like "You'll never know!" just to make me jealous. And I was.

So yes, what a tease she is! And she's reminded me since that she did that kind of thing a few times back in the day, but I never realized it then. She did it because she wanted to mess with my head. She also said she didn't know what to do with me back then, having stuck me perpetually into the dreaded Friend Zone. She said she probably would have treated me badly if we would have dated back then.

I was never smart enough to recognize any cues that a girl might show that she is interested in me. It was pointed out to me by a couple of women I knew over the years that other women were checking me out or flirting, but I never picked up on it.

A little bit of dominance goes a long way

It's a moment of celebration, and of disappointment, when Miss f**ks one of her toys to death :-D

Well it happened again last week. She broke the news of its demise right after we were getting started. It definitely broke the mood for the evening :-(

She explained to me that her favorite sex toy (an egg type), had started cutting in and out on her, likely leaving her quite frustrated and denied in her lustful quest for satisfaction. And at this moment I experienced the very same thing - the mood was killed for both of us. My little soldier, deflated, and in deep dismay ;-) She couldn't help but notice... and remark... on its retreat from within her. A brief wash of humiliation and failure passed through my body :-(

She uses that toy almost every time we are together, I guess it's our version of a threesome? - LOL!

I wasted no time in finding and ordering a replacement, but waiting for that put us "on hold" if you know what I mean. I also ordered a thigh harness for use with a strap-on.

By coincidence they both arrived on the same day (I had ordered them from different suppliers).

Miss sent me an interesting text to let me know they were delivered.

Here is what was inside:

                           

She got a real kick out this let me tell you!

Beginnings with Miss... Part 2, the neighbor

OK, back to the fun you've been waiting for!

What happened between Miss's neighbor and I? Did I loose something? ;-)
I was walking over to Miss's house to see if she was there and to hopefully hang out with her for the evening. I'm sure I was being cautious to also see if her mother or brother were there, as I probably would have passed if they were, certainly if her mother was there. Yes I was that shy!

No one was home. These were 4-plex apartments, with Miss on the bottom floor, and her neighbor directly across the courtyard on the 2nd floor. Their patios, front doors and living room windows faced each other across the courtyard.

Her neighbor must have noticed me, and she probably tried to be helpful and called down from her patio to me about when she last saw Miss. I am sure that the 3 of us hung out at least a few times prior, maybe even had some wine or beer together. At this point in time I was probably a Sophomore, 14 years old? Miss would have been 17-18, and her neighbor was mid-to-late 20s I think. Basically she was twice my age, with a 6 year old to boot.

She must have invited me to come up, maybe to allow me to wait in case Miss might return soon.

I digress... watching TV, early porn
Her neighbor and I hung out, and I remember watching T.V. We were watching a really bad conservative politics talk show show called Wally George (on a UHF channel). It was so bad it was good! I'm sure I found it thanks to trying to catch naked ladies in soft porn movies on one of the very early pay-UHF TV stations - ONTV.

Of course I was watching this on a 13" black and white TV, with no decoder/descrambler  box. At the time it felt like if you kept adjusting the tuning knob you could "improve" the scrambled picture, but I never got more then a few seconds of any discernible boobies. This is what I would get off to (but would have been black and white):

Finally getting to the point - Her neighbor
So we are drinking a little bit, getting some laughs. I have no memory of any attraction to her neighbor. I'm totally hot for Miss all day long, every day. Her neighbor is in a dress or skirt I'm sure. That's always what she seemed to be wearing. I wish I could remember what broke the ice...

What I do remember is sitting on her couch. It was a really low couch, where my knees seemed to be too high, at chest level with my feet flat on the ground. She is walking towards me. She seemed very tall due to that couch. I remember feeling nervous and intimidated as she approached me (submissive, and yes at 14 I am a virgin still, but that's going to change). The hem of her skirt seemed a little higher than I had ever previously noted, maybe also due to the low couch. It was just above her knees, and I noticed her legs, probably for the first time since I'd known her.

She stood in front of me as I sat on the couch, somehow we had already broken the ice. She then straddled me on the couch, her on top, her basically kneeling on top of me. I think I still had my clothes on. I was afraid to put my hands on her. I probably felt like if I made a mistake she would get upset with me and I'd get into some kind of serious trouble, she'd kick me out, who knows?

My next memory is of being in the same position with her on that couch, but my clothes were off. She was still straddling me in the dress, but she did not have any panties on. She was teasing my crotch by rubbing herself (her va-jay-jay) over my boy parts. I had no clue what to do! But I tried to press up to her as she was rubbing me as it obviously was feeling good. And I absolutely was not going to put my hands down between her legs - I'm totally afraid if I do anything like that I will ruin this. I had no clue what to do with them anyway, and as you will read next, I didn't know at all what to do with my boy part either :-|

She is still on top, we're basically dry humping. Sorry but I don't know how to better say that! Eventually my boy part seemed to find the girl part place it should try to push into. We are both "working it", and since she hasn't reacted badly yet, I decide it's time to push it all the way in. As I do so it's more difficult than I expected. A VERY short time passes and she knows I'm not going to figure it out. She says something like "Is that where you like it? It might be easier if you try starting up higher instead." OOOOPS! Wrong hole! I was mortified. She takes the bull by the horn so to speak and guides me into the proper place. That is the end of what  I remember that night.

So there we have it - my first time. We continued to have fun for a while longer, but I think she had a boyfriend the whole time that I wasn't aware of for a while. Maybe she dumped me?

Epilogue
Miss and her neighbor were good friends for a while. In fact, Miss was in her wedding years later. She married the boyfriend I just mentioned!

While this will be the subject of a future post, Miss and I did end up getting together when I was about 18. She told me recently that leading up to that her neighbor had told her that I was really good with foreplay, and Miss just had to check that out I guess ;-)

Miss eventually lost contact with her, but did find her on Facebook and sent her a message that we got back together. Her old friend and neighbor didn't reply, probably not wanting to risk her husband learning about her little distraction from the past.

I hope you've enjoyed this post! I've certainly enjoyed reminiscing.

Take care!

First recognition of sexuality & kink?

Let me detour a little bit before I get back to what happened with Miss's neighbor... ;-)

My shyness and insecurity about never making a move on Miss definitely shows a  part of my submissive personality. I think swiping her panties from the laundry and how nice I felt wearing them are one of my earlier clues about being transgender, but I have a few other memories about my sexuality and submission that I'd like to share.

First recognition of sexuality? 

My first sexual memory I think was before I was in preschool. Maybe 1970-71? It wasn't really sexual at the time, but when I think back about it now I feel it was. I remember being at a neighbors house watching TV, and maybe playing a game like Chutes and Ladders, or Candy Land. There was a girl my age there. I'm thinking I was being baby sat while my parents were working or something like that. 

The memory I have is only a few seconds long,  and I have point out that I have no reason to think anything inappropriate was going on. But I think in my own mind, over time, I finally processed how I felt about it. This memory has come to mind a few times in the past that I can remember, so it was/is significant to me. But until it came back into mind recently, I never resolved how I should feel about it. It was like the experience was not complete yet. I think this event must have been bothering me subconsciously for about the last 40 years or so :-) 

Here is the memory. The girl and I were on the floor. I seem to remember her leaving for a few minutes. When she returned I noticed that she was now wearing what I later knew to be fishnet stockings. But in my memory they don't look exactly like fishnets, they looked to be made of a thicker material, like yarn. I think I may have asked "what are those?" 

I remember an adult (or could have been an older sibling), making a comment or asking something like "don't they look pretty on her?" So maybe they were stockings and it was "dress up play time"? When I told Miss this story she suggested they may have been tights. I think she's probably right. Maybe this girl was in a toddler ballet class or something? 

If you show me yours, I'll show you mine!

I was in preschool at this time, 4-5 years old? I as at a neighbor's house again, probably my mother was off having whatever kind of life she was able to have as a single parent. We were playing things like Chinese Checkers. 

There was a girl in the house, my age, maybe a bit older. I know it was her idea - more submissiveness? :-) We went into a closet, I remember feeling awkward about what to do. I think I was paralyzed with fear. She had to prompt me to take my clothes/pants off. As I started to she did too. I think she might have touched the tip of my pee-pee in a curious manner. She asked me "What do you do with it?" I replied with embarrassment at my self-ignorance, "I don't know." I looked down at her groin and didn't see anything. I don't think I had the courage to even think about touching her. I remember feeling like I got the short end of the stick because she had nothing to show ;-)

On the playground, 1st/2nd grade. Trying to get girls attention, or just acting out?

In elementary school I was most definitely not an alpha male in any sense of the word. I only had one friend until probably Jr. High. I was afraid to approach people so I was usually alone during recess and lunch. I remember times where I had to "hang around" the teachers on the playground often, because "bullies" would pick on me.

I can remember being on the playground one day. I had no friends at all at this time. For whatever reason I put my arms straight out and started spinning around. I remember doing that and while spinning I moved in the direction of a group of girls that were together on a grassy area. I wasn't trying to touch them, I think I was just using that as a cover to move closer to them and maybe get their attention. I have no interpretation of what that might mean, maybe absolutely nothing. But it was my first memory of having any interest or curiosity about girls. I do know I didn't feel threatened by them like I did boys,

Next stop, straight to kink? BowWow?

The next sexual memory I can recall was probably 2nd/3rd grade timeframe. Like the neighbor girl memory, at the time I had zero awareness of anything sexual. My mind simply hadn't any notion of sexuality yet. But this was definitely sexual on the other person's part. 

I was home alone, maybe sick from school, or spring break. The phone rang and I answered it. A female voice was on the other end. Of course it was so long ago I don't remember exact details of what we said on the phone, but basically she started asking me questions. 

At the start I think she was trying to gauge how much sexual experience I had. Questions like "Do you ever play with yourself?" "Do you like it?" "Have you ever been/played with a girl?", etc. I probably stumbled on my answers, and I don't actually remember much anything about what I might have said back to her. 

I'm sure it didn't take her long to figure out I was young. Maybe she already knew me. A babysitter, or a relative or friend of a babysitter, or a friend of my mothers. 

At some point the conversation moved to a hands-on experience for me. I ended up taking my clothes off. She asked me if I ever played with my pee-pee. I probably said no I hadn't. She then told me to play with it, that it would feel really good if I did what she said.

Anyway, I wanted to do what she was asking. I probably started rubbing my pee-pee from top to bottom (doing it wrong), and I certainly wasn't "feeling" anything good (if you know what I mean). I'm sure I told her that it felt "ok" in an unconvincing tone. But she knew that wasn't what it probably should feel like if I was "doing it" right. I would have started moaning and getting into it, but wasn't.

She probably was a little frustrated that I wasn't getting off, and asked me how I was doing it, and I tried to tell her, and she told me to put my fingers around it and move my hand up and down. She kept asking if it was starting to feel good. Out of guilt I told her yes, it was starting to feel good. Of course... I was not feeling anything. She kept encouraging me to keep stroking, and kept asking if it felt good in a very sexy seductive, heavy breathing kind of voice. Just this very second I realized that she was probably masturbating on the call! Anyway, the call ended. 

There was one more call. I remember her asking if I had ever worn a dog collar. I said no. She asked if I had one, or maybe she knew we had a dog. She told me to get it and put it on. She told me to put it on tight, and I did what she asked. I was naked again, and she had me start to play with myself. She was again asking me things like "Does it feel good?" "Are you getting off on this?" "Do you like the way the collar feels"? But basically the same result for me, I felt nothing really pleasurable.

Spin the bottle

We were at a friend of my mother's house, and there were older kids there. It must have been 4th grade for me. The adults were doing their thing in the living room, and we were in a bedroom. The older kids started a game of spin the bottle. This was the first I had heard of this game. I don't remember how the game actually went (but there was some kissing, not me), and I remember feeling uncomfortable because I didn't already know how to play, so I thought I wouldn't be very good at it. When it was explained, I felt like I wouldn't actually be wanted in playing the game (I didn't know any of these kids before this day). I certainly didn't want to kiss anyone!

Mom's pantyhose and silky slips - first dipping of toes into girl clothes.

OK, this shouldn't be anything unique for us trans people. I was home from school, mom worked. I started going through her dresser and discovered pantyhose. I remember I put a pair on and boy was that a challenge. They felt absolutely wonderful. The tightness around my legs, crotch, and butt. It was captivating. I then tried on one of her 3/4 length slips. OMG! The way that felt! So teasingly gentle, almost a tickling feeling. Then I ran my hand over the slip, moving it gently over the pantyhose. The feeling was the most sensual/sexual I had ever had. I liked the pressure of the pantyhose on my groin, but it wasn't enough pressure, so I put on several pairs of my tidy-whitey underwear until the amount of pressure felt right. No idea what that means (probably nothing), but it's what I remember doing.

This was my first sexual feeling and experience that I recall feeling in the same moment that it happened. But as I sit here writing this, I realize it was much more. In that moment I felt good (yes there was guilt/shame too). But really emotionally good. This was different than other kinds of good feelings I had up to that point. 

Only today do I think I can translate the emotional feelings into words. I wanted to be able to wear those clothes! I wanted to be the person that could wear those clothes! 

I never got into her clothes again. I think in part because somewhere inside "I knew" that it was impossible for men to become women, so I just plodded forward as a male. For 40 years I've made the best life I could as a male, but I'm so much happier and content when I'm not.

OK, that was a boatload to write. I'm probably alienating some who might read this blog, but it is set to "Adult" after all :-D

Beginnings... with Miss

Where to start?

Miss and I met in high school in the early 80's. I was a Freshman (13 years old), she was a Junior. I was still a virgin. She was dating a guy that I was in the same theater class with. He and I both did behind the scenes work, and we became casual friends, which is how I came to meet her.

I was very attracted and turned on by her. More than anyone ever. At some point her and her boyfriend broke up. She eventually transferred to a different high school, and her boyfriend left too, but I don't recall any details this many years later about where he ended up.

I eventually learned where she lived (this while she was still with her boyfriend if I remember), which was on the same street that I lived on! Well, that was lucky for me, and I started stalking her. But NOT for bad purposes!!!

I was obsessed with her, but my insecurity and shyness was equally as large as my obsession. Between a rock and hard place - I was a wreck inside for years because of this. Blissful agony?!!!

But she did accept me as a friend. Well, technically I was in the "Friend Zone." Her single mother was often away all weekend with her boyfriend, so Miss had their apartment to herself often.

I don't remember how I broke the ice to become her friend, but probably I was sneaking around one weekend night to make sure she was home and alone, and got the courage up to knock on her door. I'll have to ask her what she remembers.

At that point I looked for every opportunity to hang out at her place. Given my age, I was sneaking out my bedroom window after I figured my mother was asleep in order to do this. She never knew as far as I know.

If Miss was home I'd stay with her until well after midnight. This went on for 2 years maybe. Miss knew I was hot for her, and she did tease me from time to time which just made me so horny. One time I stole a pair of her panties and I'd wear them and play with myself, masturbating now and then while wearing them.

That reminds me, my first wet dream and the dawn of my sexual self-pleasuring all started at this time, so she gets credit for that too :-P

She dated other guys in this time too. I think I only remember that fact coming up once, and of course I was so jealous and devastated.

Probably a year or more into this, she moved to an different street, still very close by. She made friends with a next door neighbor, a single mom with a 5 or 6 year old child. Eventually I met the neighbor.

Of course I'm still stalking Miss, looking for every opportunity to hang out with her. I think her neighbor "caught" me one evening, saw me walking, so I said I was just stopping by to see if Miss was around. She might have said that she thought Miss might be back later, and I probably said I'd check back, and I think she offered to let me hang out and wait up at her place.

Well, I was in for a completely unexpected surprise that night... more later!

Psychedelic 60's Dance Party - the party!

I'm picking this up from the end of the last post... we wrapped up getting ready, with Miss doing my nails with white tips which is a look that I really love!

She dressed in a new pair of ripped jeans and a 60's flower child style top. She looked great!

Off we go!
Walking out of the house and walking to the car I always worry my neighbors will be out, and this time more so, given that I was in a flashy GoGo girl outfit with pink fishnet thigh-high stockings and boots. But that was not a problem, and getting into the car without showing off too much was fun in that little dress ;-) As we drove I was wondering what type of view people in SUVs and other taller vehicles might have had if they happened to look down at me while driving :-)

Park and walk
This time we parked in the parking structure behind the club. Plenty of parking with nice, safe, bright lighting. This area of town has many retail establishments, shopping and dining, so there were other people coming and going at this time of night that were not going to the club (it was about 8:30 pm and a Saturday night).

I was in a very short dress, and this was my first public debut in such a short dress, so I was really worried about putting on a "free show" in front of the random people we were passing by. Right as we left the car I pulled down on the hem of my dress as much as it would go before we started our slow walk through that very well lit garage. I tried not to act or walk in a way that would show my nervousness, but I was very anxious about attracting attention. I think Miss really 'enjoyed' me being dressed like this in public.

Into the club
We get in line to enter the club and get our IDs checked. I was a little more chatty with the girl checking IDs, and I asked her how she can tell if it's a match for a trans person. She said she just tries to match the eyes on the photo to the person.

We were seated a little farther back from the edge of the stage and dance floor then in prior visits. Let me say that on this evening I was a lot more attentive to managing my dress (as I sat up and down), and keeping my knees together! I was not too keen on crossing my legs either, that would have been a lot of thigh on display. Of course all of my modesty concerns were ridiculously overblown given how scantily dressed some of the other ladies were, I fit in just fine ;-)

A first for me!
I think this is a first, but Miss said she was a little jealous thinking about what attention I might get - bless her! I was so very flattered. But I also felt a little bad & embarrassed that I was the cause of her feeling a not-fun-at-all emotion, and of course she has absolutely nothing to worry about in that department. But it was an interesting reversal of what's been "normal" for me. I don't think I've every been aware of anyone being jealous of me, and for sure never due to how I looked!

Party (and picture) time!
The club had been decorated a bit, with a Beatles Yellow Submarine complete with cartoon versions of the Fab Four. The host and promoter of this event (Jamie Jameson) was in a similar outfit as mine, with white GoGo boots, so I felt a lot better about my outfit fitting the theme!

We ate dinner as we usually do, along with some Margaritas :-) These Saturday night parties also have photographers. One of them sets up all night with a "Red Carpet" type theme. The 'regulars' get pictures taken every month, but Miss and I had not done it yet. I think mainly because I have been worried about being seen by anyone in my work life that might recognize me. But I'm getting a little less worried about that. I know I want to come out full time, and my employer would not have a problem with that as they are fully supportive of LGBT people and issues (but I don't know about my direct bosses), with some of our very top leadership falling into at least the L and G buckets. We have all the letters represented openly across the rest of the staff. I even wanted to attend an after-work meetup of our company sponsored LGBT group just announced a couple of months ago. I would have done so as my male in-the-closet persona. But my schedule did not permit that. Maybe next time.

Well, I scoped out the Red Carpet area and there really wasn't much of a crowd yet, so I asked Miss if she wanted to go up and get our pictures taken. She said yes, so we put napkins over our drinks to keep our seats, and headed up the stairs. The photographer is really great and has supported this event for years - TeddyBoy French.

I'm on the Red Carpet!

After the pictures we walked back to our seats, and the DJ started to spin, playing a fair amount of 60's music and occasionally modern day dance club music. We didn't end up dancing to any of the 60's tunes before the night progressed and all the music turned to current day selections.

When we did make it out to the dance floor, it was more packed then any time before! As usual the diversity of people and age ranges was awesome - this is not just a 20 something community. I think this ended up being the most attended Saturday dance party yet, I heard there were about 500 people there!

And I did get a compliment or two on my outfit from 'regulars' - YAY!

Another first for me - OMG!!!
So this part is a little blurry to me as far as exact details. - after a few Margaritas I was probably feeling a little too good :-) Somehow I ended up being a finalist in the 60's outfit contest (I think 4 of us)! They called me down and I just couldn't believe it! The photographers were taking pictures and probably video, as were people with their cell phones. It was loud, the lights were turned up bright, people were saying stand here, face here, walk there, etc. and I was just not catching it all. So the pictures I was able to find with me in them are not too well staged, often probably my own fault.

But all I can say is OMG! Amazing! I never ever thought I'd be in any type of contest as a woman, let alone a finalist in one! It felt so good. I was on cloud nine!

It was a great time!

Psychedelic 60's Dance Party - What to wear?

A few weeks ago Miss and I had our (now regular) monthly night out at TGirl Night's Saturday Dance Party. This is held at Hamburger Mary's in Long Beach (California), on the 1st Saturday of the month.

The Venue
Hamburger Mary's started in San Francisco in 1972, and is now run as a franchise with 12 locations in the US (but no longer in San Francisco, what gives? - LOL!), and one in Berlin! A new one is opening this summer, about 30 or so miles from my house. The Long Beach location that we go to is about as far away. We will definitely have to check it out when it opens. The Mary's franchises are great supporters of the LGBT community.

The Theme (or What to wear?)
This month's party had a Psychedelic 60's theme. Miss and I had an idea for the type of outfit I wanted to wear, which we were both pretty much on the same page about. We were on the hunt for a GoGo dancer outfit.

I was imagining what the style might look like in my mind based on images from television and magazines that I still can remember from back in my childhood (there were a lot of sexy outfits in sci-fi television). The above picture is a great representation of what I was envisioning with the style of dress...and yes...the boots!!!! I was hoping to find that dress style with a geometrical type pattern, more like this:

GoGo Boots
I was so hoping to pull off the '60's Mod look, and the boots were a big part of it. So off I went online to look for GoGo boots. Miss and I were adamant that they needed to be pink! And they were so crucial to the look I wanted - if I couldn't find boots I was going to have to scrap this idea and go with plan B (paisley/denim flower-child style). Did I mention that I already had pink thigh-high fishnet stockings to go with them? I soooo sooo badly needed the pink boots to work out for them :-)

But I was agonizing because I was worried about finding a large enough size. Everything I was reading and finding related to any colors other than white or black indicated that the calf size ran very small, and I do get a fair amount of leg exercise (larger calves) and I was worried there was no way they would fit. I procrastinated on my decision but ended up ordering a pair from Amazon.

For privacy concerns I had them shipped to Miss's address. When they arrived I asked her to try them on and she said they were tight on her calves. I was emotionally deflated. I asked her to bring them with her anyway, just in case... Miss was over the day before the party, I tried the boots on, and YAY - they fit!!! It was tough getting them on, but I was ecstatic when I did! And I have to add, Miss was VERY pleased with the look. I will be wearing them for her enjoyment again and again :-D

The Dress

Well, that was a lot said about boots. As far as the rest of the outfit, I spent the 3 or 4 weeks prior to the party looking for an outfit that might work at various clothing stores and online. I already had a white, black, and pink striped skirt that would have worked in my Mod style, but I never found a good top. Luckily Miss did some searching online and found a great dress which we ordered. Same as with the boots, I had it shipped to her place. And just as with the boots, I asked her to try it on. And just as with the boots - it seemed too small!!! I was doubly emotionally deflated :-( But, also as with the boots...... I tried it on when she arrived the day before the party, and as I was putting it on, yes it felt very snug...too snug, and it was REALLY short (at least to me!) But as Miss looked me over (with a very slow and devouring head-to-toe pan), with one of her sexiest smiles progressively & un-hurriedly growing even more sexy as she ever so slowly took in my look..... she gave me a resounding approval that this outfit was exactly perfect for this party!

Here is the finished product (sorry no makeup!)

Who needs modesty anyway, it's free love baby! 

So yes, short-short-SHORT dress, right? Miss made the comment that I'd be like "one of those girls" that has to constantly be pulling at the hem of her dress to keep her "modesty" - LOL! Well, that is exactly what I had to do all night, and I think Miss really got off on that! And of course there were plenty of other ladies at the party in more revealing outfits than I.

Stay tuned, there will be a part 2 to this post coming soon, about the actual party.

Take care everyone!