New identity - "Stripes?"

I mentioned in the last post that Miss had shared the "Stripes" part of our concert experience with her parents.

She had shown them a picture she took of me in my so called "80s" outfit (taken by Miss from behind.)

She actually told them the pants were women's...but "hedged" a little with them by saying it was ok because they looked unisex :-)

And she told her parents about the group of ladies we met thinking I was gay, and pinup girl nicknaming me "Stripes" because of the blouse I was wearing. Her mom just said that I was a "good sport" to that.

Miss visited her BFF from High School yesterday, and she told me she shared the same basic story with her girlfriend. And that I "gay'd it up" real nice by playing the part.

Miss said she showed her a picture with me wearing the purse. I guess her BFF just laughed!! And her BFF seems pretty conservative, so I wonder what she is really thinking about me. Oh, and the rest of her family too, as I know Miss was probably getting a nice kick out of sharing me that way with all of them.

The concert

We went to a concert this past Saturday. A bunch of 70s/80s bands including Joan Jett. Some were good, some not so good, but what do you expect after 35 years or more after the prime of their careers?

But it really was a very good time, and we had great seats.

 


So I mentioned in a prior post Miss was shooting for an edgier look for herself, not feminine girly, but feminine, well, butch-like for lack of a better term. And we had found a pink ladies top and some other women's clothes for myself. Everything I was wearing was women's clothes - a real thrill for me, even if I wasn't going en-femme. Basically we were flipping our sexual identities for the night!

My outfit, yes, I was definitely going to come off as a gay man :-D Miss of course was dying of happiness at that fact, and how nervous, uncomfortable, insecure, and awkward I was feeling.

A few weeks ago we had each bought a purse (my first purse). I had assumed that it was for a future outing en-femme, but as we were getting ready to leave for the show, she asked about me wearing it. I was surprised when she asked and I probably stammered, embarrassed when I told her I didn't realize it was for tonight. Anyway, I got over my apprehension and we were set to go!

Here I am (well, most of me) ------>







Walking from the parking lot to the venue I didn't catch too many looks our way. Getting in the gate was fun - I had to open my purse so it could be searched (another first!)

Then we had the metal detector wand search. Miss was looking at me while I went through that, and she said the guy wanding me (while I was facing away from him) made "one of those looks" - like I was flaming gay! Well to his credit I'm probably a little bi ;-)

Other than that, we got no detectable notice from employees.

We did meet a fun and interesting group of ladies while outside. Miss was noticing one that was dressed up in a style similar to that of pin-up-girls from the 40s. That's another look she'd like to try out. We were next to them and I pretty much think my 'gayness' was an ice-breaker for them to start up a conversation with us. They were having a REALLY good time - lots of laughing and joking.

When we were all talking a couple of them cozied up to me and were very flirty with me. I guess it's true that gay men get all the attention from the girls? I was not expecting anything like that, let me tell you! Miss said some women like to be flirty with gay men as they can have fun with it but don't have to worry about it going anywhere :-)

Pin-up girl nicknamed me "stripes" as my shirt was pink with white stripes. It was all fun and good, and we bumped into them a couple of more times during the show in the food and restroom areas.

Another cherry on top to this was that I found out via text message from Miss's mom the next day, that Miss had shared the "stripes" part of the trip with her parents. She showed them a picture of me in my so called "80s" outfit from behind, and told them the pants were women's...but they actually looked unisex. And she told her parents about the girls thinking I was gay. Her mom just said that I was a "good sport". Hmmmm, I think Miss is prepping her parents for when I come out one day? Could be confusing to them whenever that happens - based on this they might think I'm a T-girl that likes boys, when I'm a T-girl that likes girls.

We had some interesting characters sitting next to us. On one side was a married couple. The husband was American, I'd say in his late 50s. His wife was from Mexico, I'd say in her early 20s, and spoke no English. To the right was a single guy. He pretty much ignored us the whole time, and when Miss went to use the ladies room leaving me alone, he just glared at me like I was some kind of freak. That really didn't bother me, in fact I kind of drunk his scowling all in and owned it. Oh, there were some girls in the row behind us that were nice and we chatted briefly with them.

Over all, I definitely tried to go all in with my mannerisms and presentation to match my "look". Miss wanted to let the single guy next to us know she was taken by us kissing - but hey that blew my cover! And she also was a bit miffed that I wasn't copping feels from her, but I was trying to go with my look!

Off to a concert this weekend - tiny-tiny bit of gender fun

Miss and I are lucky to have great seats to a concert this weekend.

She has been cooking up a new look for herself for when we go out.

The best way I can describe it is that it has a a bit "rough girl" feel to it. There is a hint of tomboy, pushing a slight bit into the "butch" stereotype look (if there is one). But that's only going to apply to her outfit. Her hair will still be the wonderful curly/wavy completely feminine style, and she said she's going with pink nail polish.

The outfit itself that I think she's planning on wearing, consists of a moss-green top that is webbed in  kind of a crochet mesh style (think of a mesh type beach cover-up, see-through), over the same color top. The pants are tan, and while they are women's, they look more like Dockers or Dickies. Like guy casual work pants. The kicker to this will be her Doc Marten shoes. For the purse it's more of a tote bag type of thing.

I wish I had pictures to share of her outfit (will have those after the show), but here is a picture of a similar purse. Maybe it's more of a satchel-like purse? It's very flat, not bulky at all. I actually think this picture is of the one we bought for me (my first purse!)

I feel very lucky as far as my outfit is concerned. It's 100% women's clothes from head to toe! A pink top, with black vinyl-like textured pants. The shoes are casual black, with a very slight heel. I'll be wearing plumb colored lace socks.

We took a picture of me dressed up (sorry the lighting is poor).

Me!

So while I'm not going as jen, I think we may come off a little like a gay man and woman, or a feminine man and slightly masculine woman based on what we're wearing - which would be pretty fun. And hopefully we'll be promoting acceptance of gender diversity in the process!

Memory Lane: How I moved past wearing just panties and pantyhose to actual clothes

This post was inspired by memory lane, thanks to a post about the movie The Crying Game made by Cyrsti over at Cyrsti's Transgender Condo. I posted a version of this post there, but wanted to add a little more to it here.

I think I caught this movie a year or so after it came out, when it hit HBO or Showtime.

That post made me wonder where my mind was as far as my transgender evolution was concerned, and what my own feelings about trans people were at the time. I certainly didn't know any that I was aware of.

So as far as the movie goes and what I thought about it, and my reaction to it... I think I was just blown away that it was actually a guy and not a girl. That was probably my first "real" transgender experience (yeah lame, just a movie). At that time that was probably the most edgy movie I had ever seen (discounting all the VHS porn which was just plain vanilla stuff).

At the time I was married with 2 young kids. I know that during this time I was wearing pantyhose every now and then, and mostly in a sexual context, but I think that was the extent of my girlyness back then. I was in my mid 20s.

Subconsciously I think was exploring whether my wife was going to accept it, and if so how far or how much.

Thinking back now, she accepted it, but barely. She wasn't *really* into it or very encouraging. I think that alone kept me in a holding pattern for about 15 years. I just repressed moving any farther than occasional wearing of pantyhose/stockings and panties - which might have been a compulsion I couldn't control. I think I was hoping my wife would get turned on by it, and that would have been my sign that she was on-board, and that I could move forward with it.

Never happened, but luckily we split up, and I reconnected with my high school crush. With her I am SO lucky!

I eventually got the courage to tell my girlfriend I wore panties and pantyhose. She didn't react badly when I first broke the news. I did it at her work to avoid a serious blow up (if it were to happen that way which it didn't).

Well she got right on board. TOTALLY!

It seemed like no time went by before she had me try on some of her clothes and panties (full dress up time), which I had never worn anything other than lingerie before. It was incredible to do that for the first time, and with someone I was in a relationship with to boot! OMG paydirt!

The result of this was that my girlfriend opened me up to a dream I had never, ever consciously considered! "Not in a million years" as they say :-) If it weren't for her not just accepting, but encouraging and facilitating me, I'd still be where I was. And not happy at all.

Oh, and she bought me my first dress back then, a cute black and white dress. We bought thigh high stockings and she started taking pictures of me dressed up. It was such an awesome time for me, really it was an awakening of who I really should be that happened thanks to her.

Now all I can dream of are the times I get to be a girl. What a flip!

Thank you sweetheart, I love you!

Weekend fun - time to touch up those brands! - OUCH!!!

OK I've been a little remiss in posting pictures, so here are a couple from the weekend.

My brands had faded over the last few months, so this past weekend Miss took a little time to 'freshen' them up :-D

When I think of these brands I feel so loved, close, and connected to her. And she just loves having someone that she can burn, carve, and inflict physical pain on. Let's just say it really gets her motor running.

To be clear, I do not like pain. At all. This and other things she does to me really really do hurt.

But I love being able to take what she gives to me. What more could I do to demonstrate the extent of my love and devotion than to suffer her whims, at the end of her implements of pain and torture? In the aftermath of our playtime, I feel like I've served her well as a source of pleasure. And that's what we all want for our partners, for them to enjoy their relationship with us in as many ways as they can.

We started out branding with incense. And I think for a brief time she would heat the tip of some metal object.

But after reading up on the subject we ended up going to Radio Shack and picked up a $20 battery powered soldering iron. Works great!

And here are the results. The two hearts brand is just above my bikini area. You can see I got a little sun this past weekend. It was HOT!

Two hearts together

The other brand is her initial, which is in an easy to guess location :-) I love the angle of the picture, it makes me look like 'babies got back', and an actual figure- LOL!

Her initial - this one hurts the most!

Prior to getting into branding she would carve her initial here. That hurts a lot too! One day I'd like to get a heart or some other kind of tattoo as a kind of frame around that area, and she can brand or carve her initial inside it.

The Trans-Everything CEO

The Trans-Everything CEO

I had never heard of her before, which is amazing how that could be!

From the article:

... the highest-paid female CEO in America is not nearly as well known. She is Martine Rothblatt, the 59-year-old founder of United Therapeutics—a publicly traded, Silver Spring, Maryland–based pharmaceutical company—who made a previous fortune as the founder of Sirius Radio, a field she entered as an attorney specializing in the law of space. But what’s really extraordinary about Rothblatt’s ascent is not that she has leaned in, or out, or had any particular thoughts about having it all. What sets Rothblatt apart from the other women on the list is that she—who earned $38 million last year—was born male.

My second public outing en-femme - shopping in Santa Monica! (part 2)

Let's see, I left off  in the first post with our LGBT fan giving us a shout-out as we walked to the shoe store in the mall.

I felt a little relief that we were walking in opposite directions, and that there wasn't any follow up shouting :-) While it is an outside shopping mall, it is still a shopping mall!

After that completely unexpected excitement, my girlfriend and I just looked at each other, smiled, and kept walking to our destination. I wanted to take her picture in front of the store we went to because it had a cool entrance, but she declined. Maybe that was my way of stalling a few minutes before entering?

My nervousness jumped up a bit as we walked in. I looked around the store to see what type of people were working and shopping there. I didn't see anyone (at least on the surface) to be intimidated by. I was mostly looking for rough & tough manly men that might be prone to make a scene if they were to read me as a transgendered person.

So now we're in the store, which I should mention had plenty of full length mirrors. At first I thought GOOD! I can check myself out in the mirror to see if I need to adjust anything. I do that, half-trying not to be noticed, but then I think it's not unusual for women to take advantage of mirrors and reflective glass all the time to check their appearance, so I adjust my hair a little bit, as nonchalantly as I could.

Meanwhile Miss is looking at the shoes and boots on display trying to see what she'd like to try on. I stay close to her most of the time, but that seemed awkward to do for too long, so I occasionally walk away from her checking out the various displays. There are two or three other groups of people shopping at the same time, someone paying at the counter, etc.

I'm pretty sure that the "HEY GIRL!" shout-out just before had already popped my already maxed out stress bubble (meaning what I had hoped wouldn't happen already had), so I was already softened up some for whatever was still to come. Or at least that's what I told myself as we entered the store :-)

None of the patrons seem to really notice me, although now I'm thinking the plentiful full length mirrors are not a great thing after all, as it makes it harder for me to keep my face oriented away from anyone that might be wanting a longer look at me. Yes, I was at the height of my paranoia for this day.

Even so, all this time I'm talking with Miss about what she's looking at, what she likes or doesn't like and why, so I can help look for other styles she might be interested in. This was actually really fun, but my nervousness did take a little away from me *fully* enjoying it stress-free.

At some point a salesman approaches us. This was really the first interaction I was planning/expecting to have with a stranger while on this girl mode adventure. And obviously that was inevitable given this was as shopping trip intended to result in a purchase. Mentally, I had prepared myself during the drive to "ride it out", however it went.

He speaks to both of us, doing his salesman spiel, and I honestly don't think he batted an eye at me! I made myself talk with both of them as he was helping us. If I was out there, I wasn't going to short change myself on any aspect of the experience.

He talked to us about the differences between the different lines and styles and quality. Miss and I both asked him some questions and he was just great. After speaking with him for a while, both Miss and I figure he's also in the LGBT club, under "G" :-) I don't think I could have been any luckier in that regard!

Miss lands on a style she likes, he measures her shoe size, and goes back to bring her a couple of different sizes to try on. Viola! We have a winner!

We talk a bit more with our salesman as we walk to the counter to pay...... I look on the counter to see if they have an ATM swipe and PIN pad..... Don't see one, maybe they pull it out..... He rings it up.... I don't have a purse so Miss has the ATM and Visa cards in her purse..... I ask her to get out the ATM card and I hand it to him... He swipes it behind the counter and I'm thinking oh shit!!! My guy name is on the card, and will he hand me a PIN pad or not?.... Nope! He prints the receipt and presents it to me to sign.... Surely he noticed my guy name!... Next he's going to ask for my ID for sure, as the shoes were not cheap.... I sign it.... I'm still nervous as hell, waiting for the "other shoe to drop", to have to present my ID........ And.......WHEEEWWWW! He hands the card back to me and asks what to do with our copy of the receipt!

We thank him and head back out to the mall.

Mission accomplished!

OK, I think there is just one more post coming on this trip. Our walk to the car to stash the shoes in the trunk, and our walk to the beach.

This was such an incredible day! Mind-blowingly great!

My second public outing en-femme - shopping in Santa Monica! (part 1)

One of my ideas for my next trip out in public was to go to the beach. Walk along the boardwalk, and on down to the pier. Maybe sit on the beach - I have a bathing suit that I think would let me pull that off just fine (with a cover-up for the walk to and from the car).  I wasn't sure if I would feel better about blending in wearing a dress or skirt, or shorts.

But in my mind that trip might have been similar to my first, with no interaction with other people. So to add that element, I thought maybe we could stop at one of those greasy spoon order-and-pickup-from-the-counter type places, where you grab your tray and sit at one of those round cement picnic tables to eat.

But then there is this concert that we are going to in a few weeks. My girlfriend has mentioned in the past that she wants to have an edgier look. I think the concert coming up might have added some motivation for her to start to shop for that look. There is a particular brand and style of shoe that has been in the back of her mind that has been making it to the front more and more.

So I say to her, let's go check out those shoes that you've been wanting. This retailer has very few brick and mortar retail stores, but luckily one of them is in Santa Monica, about 90 minutes away in light traffic. It's in an outside shopping mall called the 3rd Street Promenade. What's great is that it's just three blocks from the beach, and you can see the Santa Monica pier off in the not to far distance with its roller coaster and I think merry-go-round. I don't know what else is on the pier these days as I haven't been there in over 15 years.

As I  mentioned in my last post, I have just started using an epilator on my legs, chest, etc. About six days prior to this trip, and my legs had never been so smooth! Really a wonderful sexy feeling! My girlfriend noticed too! So I was really hoping to wear a skirt or dress.

After we had done all our getting ready things with showers, hair and makeup, I set out all my girl clothes and we figured out what would be good to go out in for this trip. It ended up being a pink summer dress! I really loved it, but at the same time I'm worried about if there is a breeze if my privates might be too noticeable, so I'm wondering if shorts would be better. But then I think, if I get aroused, for sure things will be noticed. With a skirt or dress at least it's more or less continually flowing, so it should provide appropriate modesty :-)

The dress it is then (below is a picture of me after we got back home)!

Pink dress

Off we go on our drive to shop!

We arrive uneventfully and park in a parking structure that is close the the store we are looking for.

This is the moment of truth for me, getting out of the car and entering the public eye. It's a beautiful day, mild temperature and a perfect breeze. And yes, I'm worried about what affect the wonderful breeze might have under my dress!

We exit the structure into an alley that we have to walk down about 3/4ths of a block before we get to the mall entrance. There are a few cars that drive past us as we walk, and I'm feeling fairly confident that I'm going to pass. I have my sunglasses on which I feel help a lot with that.

Out of the blue my girlfriend reaches out and takes my hand! My heart jumps up in my chest a bit with both incredible excitement and a heavy dose of anxiety. The anxiety fades just a bit as I adjust (or more likely accept, then REALLY enjoy) this surprise. Once I do, I think I ended up with a really big happy smile on my face :-D

With that, my girlfriend totally just took us into the category of we're "at least a gay couple"! I was not expecting anything like this! I smile big and large at her and tell her I love her, and I can't believe that we are out together as girlfriends! I'm really just exploding with excitement about not only being out as a girl, but with her as her girlfriend too!

We continue walking down the alley, and a family with two or three small kids is walking towards us. I'm just trying to keep that smile on my face as if everything is totally normal, "we're good", trying to come off as if we're all casual and comfortable, as two girlfriends holding hands on their way to do a little shoping at the mall.

Well the mother just looks at us with a mean stare as we start to pass each other. Miss noticed it as it happened, but she had to remind me of this later as when it was happening I was so excited and bubbly emotionally that the ladies stare was lost to me in the moment.

We reach the end of the alley, and there are a lot of people walking all around the sidewalk as we approach the mall entrance. I make occasional eye contact with people, but everything is just fine, no one seems to notice me or even seem interested in a couple of apparently gay women walking by

Success beyond any expectations I could have had!

We decide we need to use the restroom, and look to a posted map of the mall for locations. Turns out we had to go back to the parking garage :-( I'm sure the many restaurants had them, but assumed we'd have to be a customer to use them.

So we go back to the parking structure. As we get close to the restroom I think "Cool! I can go in the ladies room!" I start to follow Miss in, and I see another lady at the sink cleaning up, and notice that there is only one stall. So rather than stand in the restroom with that lady, and wait for Miss to use the stall, I step back outside to wait.

Of course at this time a couple of groups of people walk by, and I'm just standing there pretending to read what's on the wall (which wasn't much), and in general I just stood there and tried to look pretty. It felt so uncomfortable and awkward. I felt like I was on display, and I was so stressed thinking that in close quarters they surely would read me. And they were there for almost the whole time Miss was in the restroom, 3 or 4 minutes probably. I was so relieved when she finally came out, and we then started our walk back to the mall. None of them said anything, but probably they noticed. I'll take that!

The most exciting thing happened next, by way of a quick shout out from what I'm pretty sure was one of our fellow LGBT brethren, as Miss and I walked through the mall. He looked right at me, waved large, and yelled quite loudly - "HEY GIRL!!!"

I was again caught way off guard by this, and all I could do was raise my free hand, and for whatever reason I did a little princess wave with it, and in a fairly normal volume (and hopefully female voice), managed to say "Hi!" back to him.

I couldn't have just ignored or blown that shout out with no response, who knows, he might have continued to press me to acknowledge him. And I'm still not sure if he was recognizing us as a gay couple, or me as TG, or both! But Miss and I both feel there was no malice intended, just that he was happy to connect in public with others in the LGBT community. After all, this is Santa Monica, and I'm sure there are many in our community that live there.

I also want to say that my girlfriend got a huge kick out of being in public together as who we are. She loved that people noticed us as a couple. I did too!

The entire experience of this day I just can't find enough ways to describe how incredible it was to me. I received a Make-A-Wish. I have to give so many thanks to my wonderful girlfriend. She is beyond supportive. She helps me move forward, so much faster then if I were on my own.

There is more to this day that I'll share soon.

Take care everyone!

jen

Epilating! - OMG YES!

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't had much to post lately, life got a bit hectic and opportunities to be jen were in short supply, at least until just this past Friday - I'll be posting about my second trip out in public here real soon!

But first, I need to thank Mandy over at her blog for turning me onto epilating!

I'm sure I'm not alone, but I have to shave my legs every day. Too much stubble too fast! By the end of the day I feel like the stubble is making good progress growing back. And forget about waking up the next morning - eecchhh!

Laser and electrolysis are not in the cards right now, and this (or waxing) seemed like the next best thing. So I gave it a try, starting about 10 days ago.

WOW! I'm hooked!

Stating out was tough for sure, but after doing my legs, chest, and pelvic area several times over about 5 days, I had the smoothest feeling legs, chest, (etc. :-P ) that I've ever had!!!!

It is so so worth it!

I just hope I can keep it up with enough frequency during the week (not much free time for me during the work week).

THANKS Mandy!